[insert witty title here]

today was alright.

at this point tonight though, I'm just kinda frustrated.
NHD, you make me wanna spoon out my organs through my bellybutton.


...
I would say fuck that and pity myself, but I'm more mature than that, and I'm used to it by now.
so I'll listen to whatever you have to say. even if I don't like it. It's none of my business anyway.
I would also say I don't give a fuck, but the truth is I do and it's pointless to say I don't.
I can accept it. I do accept it.
Guess I need to review my priorities, don't I?

it's not that I'm letting go of you, it's that I don't know what to do

today: 20% work, 80% useless shit :D

20% was spent on a little bit of NHD. aka, I got just about nothing done. and it's due on Wednesday. I'm pretty much screwed at this point. I'm too lazy when it comes to school stuff. I just don't care. which is starting to really screw my grades. not that I care about those either.

the remaining 80% of my day was spent singing and having a good time with my guitar. I love it again. Actually, I don't really think I ever loved it, that worthless teacher I had for all those years really ruined it for me for a while there. Looking back at it, I wish I would have had the balls to tell my parents I hated her and lessons earlier. Lots of money and time wasted.
but oh well. I'm just glad I'm finally using it for stuff I LIKE now. like 'it's the end of the world as we know it'. seriously, that song is the shit to sing and play. I'm still getting down doing so at the same time, the lyrics in that song go effing fast. but it's fun.
I'm starting to slowly finish these songs I started. chances are good no one will ever hear them, but it's still fun to write them.
the two I started a few days ago are like part one and two. they go together. A side and B side.
A side is the love song. It's happy and cheery and fun to sing. the B side is the heartbreak, I wanna kick ass now part. It's also pretty happy sounding, so that the lyrics and the beat and singing totally differ from each other. I like it.
with the B side, it seems too early to finish for me. so I'm gonna get the A side done first. when I need the B side finished, it'll get done. and be better than what it would be if I finished it now. ;)

also watched Milk today. such a good movie. I cried at the end, after I yelled "WHAT THE FUCK?!?" all loud. they're were parts in the movie that surprised me. it was even more sad when you take into consideration the movie was a true story. All of the characters were real people and casted perfectly. Hell, they looked like the real peeps!
hella good movie.

last thing, I got my giveaway shirt yesterday!! I was starting to think I'd never get it, lol. It's so purdy and cuuute. 8D

30 compressions, 2 breaths.

I feel like I need to give this blog CPR, cause it was DYING.

I went through just about 300 posts from about the end of last year to a few days ago.
my, my, how quickly things change. Deleted almost all of them, give or take about 9.
I feel as if the start of this new year really WAS a clean slate. when I go back through my crap, it really feels like it is.
and I wanna make this year one I can be proud of.

There's some things I've been thinking about..

One, I think I'm slowly changing my mind again on what I want to do exactly in the future. I thought I had my heart set on fashion, but I'm slowly changing my mind.
If I think about it, I don't want to associate myself with most of the people in that business. I don't even CARE about trends and being in style and all that useless shallow shit. I just like cute stuff and dressing the way I want to. Besides, doing something with a little bit more stability and something that doesn't just rob people's credit cards would be nicer.
I'm thinking about going into the medical field. By medical field, I mean pharmacy. It's simple, you get paid a hella lot, and I like medical stuff so why not?
eh, it's just a thought. it's been my backup plan for a while.
I don't really need to know what I want to do, and it's nothing to stress about so I'm just not gonna worry about it for now.

Two, I decided I want to start to volunteer somewhere.
I REALLY want to help around an old folks home, but a hospital would also work out. I've been wanting to do it for soooo long, I'm ready to start.
I'm gonna talk to the parents about it later, and see what they think and help me out finding places I can go. :D

Third, I'm still 50/50 on getting a job this summer. idk what to do still. we'll see what happens.

and on a totally different note, getting back into guitar and a little bit of lyrical stuff has been good for me.
It's like my get away. I love going downstairs and seeing my notepad next to my guitar and book of chords. I think it's cause I'm like my dad, his getaway is working on that old car of his. Mine is musical stuff, even just listening to music puts me in that feeling of pure ecstasy. I love it.
even violin is getting less of a pain in the ass. I hate playing it at times, but when you put all the parts and instruments together, it creates a giant musical orgasm.
it's freaking amazing.

breathing's just a rhythm :))

today was weird.
It was another day where I was kinda bipolar, I couldn't decide if I'd rather smile or cry.

it progressively got worse before it got better.
I cried for a while, hid in the downstairs bathtub when my mom got home so I could pull myself together. didn't happen.
finally talked to him, and everything progressively got better again. :)

I told him I was pathetic, and apologized for dumping the emo bucket on him. he said don't worry, he didn't mind and we all have to cry sometimes. (and we all do it in our own way, yeah, I mentioned my bathtub thannng.)
I don't feel scared to talk to him anymore, cause he likes to talk to me. I don't feel like I'm just annoying and I have one sided feelings anymore cause he said of course you're not annoying, and I like you alot too.
I told him he was the coolest, most real guy I've ever met. He said that meant a lot to him.
he said he was stressed all the time, cause that girl broke his heart.
I didn't say it, but I hope I can fix it. ;)

i taste blood.

today in a nutshell- I was a pirate, I was sleepy, and I was in a bad-ish mood.

Pirate-One of my eyes was still jacked up today, but instead of being retarded looking I wore one contact, thus the piratey ness of the day.

Sleepy- self explanatory. Sacrificed some lunch money for pop for today and tomorrow.

bad-ish mood- idk why. just a bad mood. I feel bad now cause I dumped some of it on bishop while I was texting him... will apologize for my whiny emotion dump tomorrow. Probably freaked him out.

I really hope tomorrow this bad mood goes away. I hate being like this. D:

holy god.

best. day. ever.
and school wasn't even fun. :))

Anne's house soon. And I'll be over there feeling like the happiest girl on earth. :))

sorry for the mush. that's how I feel right now though. mushy and happy and giggly. :DD
and obviously full of smiley faces :DD

\(.___.)/ *grabbing hands* GIMMEGIMME.

$24 tshirt of pure AWESOME. Pure Trance is probably one of the only mangas I can say I actually love, cause it's so different and awesome. I will own this shirt one day. @_@

I ♥ Gloomy Bear sooo hard.

BUFF MONSTER HAT. I NEED.

Best of both worlds, Stitch AND buff monster. SOO CUTE!! and so sold out and expensive...

I really, really want this shirt. Probably more that I want anything (clothing wise, psshhh people) right now. Buff Monster NEVER makes tshirts. NEVERRRR. And I freakin' heart this shirt sooo the want is hella strong.
(plus buff monster himself makes these... so he TOUCHED them.. makes the want even STRONGER I TELL YOU!!)

school this week has been pretty aiiiiight. Nice to see all my friendsies once again, even though I'm having trouble getting back into the right sleeping habits. I pretty much just stay up till 1-3AM, and wake up at 5 AM and hate myself.
still in a really crafty mood lately. I have soooo many sketches of things to make and customize, but sadly I need some supplies before I start the ones I want to do most.

Also, I still need an idea for the second day of Naka Kon. the little voice inside me REALLY wants something lolita INSPIRED (I stress the inspired cause there's nooooo way I can do full on lolita).

Anddd, I need to decide on what the hell I'm doing for National History Day. I'm torn between an exhibit and performance.
bleh. this whole NHD thing is gaaay.